35 Weeks

I have been so so horrible at taking pictures lately. I don't know if it is because I am larger than life or if I am just forgetting to take out the camera, but I have been doing a really bad job of documenting these last few weeks of our pregnancy.

I had my last "two week" appointment yesterday. It is absolutely insane to me to think that we will have weekly appointments from here on out. I am actually very happy about it because we are going on lots of trips these last few weeks and it gives me peace of mind to have my doctor tell me I am totally fine to go on these trips. Jeff and I just got back from Bear Lake on Monday night and we leave for Jackson Hole/Colter Bay on Thursday night. I feel pretty proud of myself that I can go on these trips and not feel too uncomfortable, and even if I do feel huge and unable to bend over, I don't feel the need to complain about it. I think it is so fun to take our little guy to all these fun places before he is even born! What a lucky dude. At our appointment yesterday the doc said that everything looks great. His heartbeat was 144, exactly the same as our last appointment. I had a dream last night that I was talking to a nurse and she told me everything looks really great, his heartbeat is good, but they are concerned about underdevelopment of one of his organs which would cause him to have problems at birth. Um..... that dream totally freaked me out! So glad it was a dream. But, it does make me anxious for our next appointment when we will get an ultrasound and the doctor will check all the fluids and make sure the baby isn't under any unnecessary stress. I am excited to see him one last time before he actually arrives! I love ultrasounds. Seeing my baby puts my worries at ease and makes me feel so much better because I put all these crazy ideas in my head and I worry.

I have been worried about my doctor being out of town when our little boy is due and I asked him what some options were since he won't be in town on my due date. He said that if my cervix is ready and looks really really good, then he would do an induction, however, if it doesn't look ready, he is not willing to risk an emergency c-section, which is very high in first time pregnancy inductions. I can understand that. I hope that this little guy just decides to come on his own early. It would definitely help with my school schedule. I really just want to spend an extra week with him before I have to go back to work. I know I am not going to want to go back. This little guy is going to be so stinking cute and just so little when I have to go back. I don't know how I am going to leave him during the day... It will definitely be hard. But it is going to be a good thing. I really do enjoy my job and I really do want to work, but I also really want to spend every second I can with my little man. I can hardly wait to meet him. It just gives me the butterflies thinking that in five short weeks we will be spending every second of the day with him and giving him loves and changing his stinky diapers. I am so excited!

The pregnancy has been really amazing. I do have a lot of respect for women who have 5+ children. Pregnancy is not as easy as it looks. People look at you and think "oh look! She is pregnant! How fun. Wow, she is big!" I think that is the comment that hurts me the most. I haven't been sick since week 14 (and one day in week 17 haha) and so I really don't have to focus on keeping food in or what smells I will encounter throughout the day.... I haven't had any cravings and I don't have trouble sleeping at night at all. So when someone comes up to me and says "Look how huge you are!" All I hear is "You are so fat! How are you going to lose all that weight???" And yes, that is something I think about and dream about every day. Losing the weight. I definitely have gained more weight than I anticipated, but I don't understand how.  I have continued to workout, I don't overeat (mainly because there is no room!) and I am not eating ice cream for every meal. It is depressing when I go to my appointments and the number is so much higher than the week before. 40 lbs later and I am getting worried about losing the extra flab that has presented itself on my love handles, legs, arms, and face. I know I am just pity-partying right now, but this really is probably the hardest part of my pregnancy right now. Baby is great and healthy and I have no other issues to focus on. I think when people comment to pregnant ladies they think that honesty is the best policy. I have to disagree. Everyone should just tell them how amazing they look and how from behind you can't even tell they are pregnant! Even if their rolls are hanging over their maternity, stretchy jeans.

Other than my mild depression due to my weight gain, everything is going so smoothly. I feel truly blessed and am so happy at this point in my life. I am so excited for the happiness that will be arriving shortly!